


It's alright - Tyler Joseph

by dawn98



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Brendon Urie - Freeform, Character Death, Depression, Future talk, Gen, Nobody cares for him, Sad, Suicide, Tyler is lonely, josh dun - Freeform, tyler is sad, tyler joseph - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 10:58:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15141605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawn98/pseuds/dawn98
Summary: What happens when you realise nothing really matters?When you realise your life doen't matter?When you realise, you, don't matter?





	It's alright - Tyler Joseph

**A/N : This whole thing is a trigger warning. Read at your own risks.**

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZ2obKR8yOo>

 

What happens when you realise nothing really matters?

When you realise your life doen't matter?

When you realise, _you_ , don't matter?

__

**_Callling -Josh- .._ **

"Hello?"

"Hey, Josh"

"Tyler hey, how have you been?"

"I'm good, you?"

"Great thanks. What's up?"

"I wanted to ask you if you wanted to hang out? It's been a while."

"Indeed yes, I'm sorry I'd love to but right now I can't"

"Oh, of course uhm, whenever you can"

"I'll text you alright?"

"Alright"

"Okay good, see you later then."

"See you later."

**_Call ended._ **

__

**_Calling -Brendon- ..._ **

"Hello?"

"Hey Bren, sorry to disturb you, I-"

"Hey Ty! What's up!"

"Nothing, really. You?"

"Same"

"Uh, d'you wanna hang out?"

"Ah sorry man I gotta meet with Dal already, I'll text you?"

"Yes of course, no problem"

"Cool. See you then"

"See you"

**_Call ended._ **

__

Tyler bit his lip, clicking on the calling button with a shaky finger.

**_Calling -Zack- ..._ **

Tyler had always been the outcast of his family.

He called from time to time to check up on them, not all the time, but enough times to show them he loved them.

Nobody really ever did that. Checking up on him, showing him he was loved.

It was alright. People had their own lives to take care of. Their own problems. Their own path to draw.

Tyler got that. He too, had all this to take care of. It was hard but, life wasn't that easy.

He just wanted a friend to talk to.

Of course, his family loved him, sure, they always smiled at him, but couldn't help but talk behind his back. Not always saying pleasant words.

They found him too emotional, not confident enough, too sensitive, too slow to evolve, too much... him.

Tyler.

The disappointment.

None of them had ever been proud of him, or had shown any joy in being in his presence.

Were they happy when he was around?

Maybe his little brother would like to hang out with him? Either way he was calling him already.

He sighed and tried to stay positive, waiting for the other side to pick up.

"Hey Ty." Tyler tried to ignore the lack of enthusiasm in his little brother's voice.

"Hey Zack, what's up?"

"I'm good, you?"

"Oh I'm good too, uh, how's school doing?"

Tyler heard a sigh.

"Good, Tyler. Still as good as last time you asked."

Tyler's eyes went to the ground. "Sorry"

"Nah 's okay. What about your studies?"

"Uhm well actually I-"

"You're abandoning again, right?"

"Yea I- I don't really like it there, but I was thinking abou-"

"Changing course again."

"Yes, but, uhm, I was thinking abo-" Tyler heard another sigh.

"What are we gonna do with you Tyler." It wasn't really a question.

Tyler's heart skipped a beat. Not as positive anymore. "What?" His voice wavered.

"Tyler, I gotta go-" Tyler could hear his mom talking in the background. "yea mom I'm coming- sorry I-"

"You guys are having dinner together?"

"Yea..." There was a pause. "Yea."

...

"Good.." Tyler swallowed the lump in his throat. "How- How's everyone doing? I- I asked Maddy about her dance but she didn't answer, uhm, and what about Jay's basketball champions-"

"Tyler I gotta go, I'll call you later." The line went dead.

__

A week after the call, Tyler received a text from his little brother.

 **Zack** : We're receiving the Bowels from across the street for dinner.

 **Zack** : Mom said you could come.

 **Tyler** : Hey, sure I'll come

 **Tyler** : How's everyone been?

...

__

Dinner with Tyler's family and the Bowels was doing good so far.

His parents had asked him how he'd been, he talked a little with his siblings, until dinner was ready and they had to eat.

Everyone was peacefuly conversing with each other, Tyler silently eating his food when Mrs Bowel adressed to him.

"So, Tyler. I heard you changed your course, what is it already?"

The room went silent.

Tyler's heart skipped a beat. He didn't want to talk about this now. He knew the atmosphere would change after this conversation.

He swallowed thickly and glanced at the people around the table that were waiting for him to answer.

"Uh, I'm studying english" He stated with a small voice.

"Oh, alright." She kept eating her food, not really impressed with the answer. "And how's it going?"

Tyler began to play with his fork as he glanced at his parents. They weren't even watching him.

They weren't watching, but they sure were listening.

They just avoided eye contact, 'cause they knew when talking about their son's studies and future, nothing good could come out of it.

Nothing interesting in their eyes, anyway.

"I- I'm uh, changing actually. I was think-"

"Again?!" Tyler wasn't surprised for the first reaction to come from his father.

"I was thinking- I w-want to make music."

Silence again.

"Heard that Kelly?" His father laughed bitterly, wiggling his glass before taking a sip of his wine. "He wants to make music. How cute." He mocked.

Tyler barely heard the rest of the conversation as the only thing he could hear was his heart beating a mile a minute.

He could faintly hear Mrs. Bowel skipping Tyler and asking Zack instead, his brother proudly talking about him following their father's path studying law to become a lawyer.

Tyler just finished eating, using his cutlery with shaky hands.

He shouldn't have hoped for it to go smoothly.

But hey, at least he saw his family.

At least one thing positive.

__

**_Texting -Josh- ..._ **

**Tyler** : "hey"

_Sent, wen. 1pm_

...

__

**_Calling -Josh- ..._ **

...

 **Voicemail** : "Hey, Josh.. It's me again, uh.. You said you'd text, and I, I know you're busy, but, sorry just... call me?"

**_Call ended._ **

__

**_Calling -Brendon- ..._ **

...

"Hellooooo!"

"Brendon?"

"Tyy! My man!"

"Hey"

"Heeyyy"

"Are you alright?"

"Oh yea! More than alright!"

"You drunk?"

"Yess. We're at this party it's sick!

"Oh" Tyler's eyes went to the ground as he started playing with the hem of his shirt.

He wasn't invited.

It's alright.

"Yea- woah fuck wait-"

Tyler frowned and glanced at the screen to see if the call had ended. He put the device close to his ear again when he saw it was still going and heard noise, some music, loud people talking and laughing, probably all drunk. He could hear Brendon talking in the distance.

" _Fuck Josh, I thougt I was drunk but man look at you!_ " He heard laughing.

Maybe Brendon had forgotten about the call?

He was proved wrong when Brendon talked through the phone again. "Sorry man I gotta go, Josh is wasted!"

"Josh is there?"

"Yeeaa!"

There was a pause.

"Oh! You should come too!" Brendon said excitedly.

" 'S alright" Tyler burried his hand in his jeans pocket as he started walking around his appartment again.

"You don't wanna come?"

"Nah I," Tyler gulped, swalowing the lump in his throat and trying to control his voice. "I'll just command some pizza and chill. 's alright." He tried to fight the tears that threatened to spill.

"Okay cool! Well i'll see yah later dude, gotta stop Josh from flirting with the couch." The drunk boy said as he laughed.

Tyler nodded despite nobody being in the room besides him, trying a smile but failing. "Okay, see you later."

"Byyyye"

"By-" The line went dead.

__

**Text from -Josh- ..**

**Josh** : Hey Ty, sorry it took me so long, wanna hang out?

_Sent tue. 10am_

...

__

 **Josh** : Yo!

 **Josh** : There's this party at Dallon's, wanna come?

 **Josh** : Brendon spent like 60 bucks on weed, it's gonna be lit!

__

**Incoming call from -Josh- ..**

...

__

 **Incoming call from- Brendon- ..**.

 **Voicemail** : "Yooo Ty! Answer the fucking phone! We miss you here!"

__

 **Josh** : We missed you at the party.

...

__

 **Josh** : Hey?

...

__

 **Josh** : Tyler?

 **Josh** : Did I do something wrong?

...

__

 **Josh** : Can I come over?

**_Incoming call from -Josh- .._ **

...

__

After going to Tyler's appartment and knocking for nearly 10 minutes at his door, Josh gave up.

It wasn't in his best friend's habit not to answer. Not to answer for several days.

Josh was beginning to worry.

He was aware that he had been a little distant, well, alright, very distant.

He tried to send him one last message for the day.

 **Josh** : Where are you?

 **Josh** : Are you alright?

Not receiving any answer, he tucked his phone back in his jean's back pocket and decided to go to the store. He'd stay around, maybe Tyler was out and would come back later.

At the store, Josh took a few beers. He checked his phone. No new message.

He sighed and went to pay for his article.

He was walking through the store when something catched his eye. Someone.

There Tyler was, walking through the store at an incredibly slow pace, hood over his head.

Josh felt releived for a moment and speed walked to his friend.

"Tyler!"

Tyler kept walking, he didn't seem to have heard.

"Ty!" Josh shouted again, a little closer to the boy than the previous time. Tyler this time heard and turned, as slowly as he walked, his eyes searching for the person who had called after him.

His eyes. They locked with Josh's, but the boy didn't react. He just stood there, Josh having catched with him by now.

The first thing Josh noticed with Tyler was his eyes, how puffy and tired they looked. The boy's head wasn't the only thing that was hooded.

Josh frowned, the smaller's eyes used to shine with a thousand stars, now? Their pupils were pitched black.

Second thing was how way thinner he looked. Tyler had always been skinny, but not _that_ skinny. Here it was becoming unhealthy.

He looked... dead.

After having recognized it was Josh, Tyler didn't make eye contact. He just stared into space near the ground, eyes unfocused.

"Hey?" Josh put his hand on the boy's shoulder, trying to get his attention.

Their eyes locked for a second before Tyler averted his eyes away again.

"Hey" His voice was barely audible, barely there.

"Are you alright?"

After waiting for a minute for Tyler to answer, Josh spoke again.

"Tyler?"

"What?"

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, yea.." He sniffed and wiped his nose with his sleeve. He looked so small. "just catched a cold I think" Tyler lied, even though he did have a cold. But the illness wasn't really what troubled him at the moment.

The boy did look sick but Josh didn't look convinced. There was something else. He checked Tyler's forehead and the boy almost leaned into the touch. "Yea, you're warm."

Tyler nodded, still not making eye contact and trying not to cry on the spot.

"D'you have medicine?" Josh truely cared, Tyler thought otherwise.

"Yea" Tyler wiped his nose once again.

Josh wanted to talk to him even though the boy didn't look like he wanted to talk to Josh. It wasn't so true. It wasn't that Tyler didn't want to talk to him, it's just, he was too tired, physically and mentally, and he didn't feel like socializing right now.

He just thought it would feel good to go out from his small apparment. Seeing other living beings than the ones from his TV screen did him good, even though he still was alone.

"So, what's up?" Josh tried to keep the conversation going, even though he didn't really know what to say.

"Nothing." Tyler started playing with his sweater. "You?"

Josh smiled and was about to count him everything that had happened since they last seen each other, then he realized, that all these events, all these moments spent with his friends, friends that also were Tyler's, Tyler hadn't been part of it.

His felt a pang in his heart as he watched the small and tired looking boy in front of him, still not making eye contact and looking uncomfortable.

"I- same." He said instead.

Tyler nodded sadly, he too, didn't seem too satisfied with his friend's choice of words.

He kept nodding his head and made a step back, rubbing a hand on his face. "Look I, sorry I should get going, I'm not feeling too well." He wasn't lying this time.

Josh frowned and opened his mouth to speak "I-" He didn't want Tyler to go now, he wanted to keep talking to him. "Can I come over?"

"I- I think I'm just going to rest, but another ti-"

Josh tried to convince him. "I could help? That's what bros are for, right? Taking care of each other?" Josh tried a smile but it was soon wiped off his face when he saw a tear falling down Tyler's cheek. The boy lowered his head, trying to hide his tears.

There was the pang in Josh's heart again. He made his best friend cry. His best friend was crying because of him. Josh felt shitty.

"Maybe later Josh, I'll text you, alright?" Tyler spoke with a trembling voice, sniffling and wiping his face. He didn't let time for Josh to answer as he ran away.

Yes, there weren't any words to discribe how shitty Josh felt.

He watched the crying boy run away.

_Ô, if only Josh had stopped him._

__

" _It's easy, find a purpose_ ", they said.

It's easy to speak, when those people aren't inside your head.

Tyler eventually had found one, but not even this made him want to stay around.

Nothing did anymore.

 _Would he ever be better than this?_ Tyler thought, as he stood over the edge of a building's roof.

It was windy, the air was cold on his face and hands that weren't covered by any material.

 _-And I really have enjoyed my stay,  
But I must be moving on- _ He sang quietly some song's lyrics that were stucked in his head.

He looked down at the streets below him, where life went.

Streets that were crowded with people, people who didn't have time wondering about all the questions Tyler asked himself.

People, who, stronger than him, despite the hardness of life, kept drawing their path through it.

Tyler decided to make a different choice.

A choice that could seem stupid and disappointing in the eyes of others.

But for him, his life was already filled with disappointing choices.

Disappointing choices, by a disappointing boy.

That's all he ever was anyway.

A disappointment.

He ignored the constant buzzing he felt from his phone inside his jean's pocket.

A silent tear fell down his cheek.

 _-My troubles will be few-_ He kept singing as a silent tear fell down his cheek.

He jumped.

__

 _It was an early morning yesterday_  
I was up before the dawn  
And I really have enjoyed my stay  
But I must be moving on  
  
Like a king without a castle  
Like a queen without a throne  
I'm an early morning lover  
And I must be moving on  
  
Now I believe in what you say  
Is the undisputed truth  
But I have to have things my own way  
To keep me in my youth  
  
Like a ship without an anchor  
Like a slave without a chain  
Just the thought of those sweet ladies  
Sends a shiver through my veins  
  
And I will go on shining  
Shining like brand new  
I'll never look behind me  
My troubles will be few  
  
Goodbye stranger it's been nice  
Hope you find your paradise  
Tried to see your point of view  
Hope your dreams will all come true  
Goodbye Mary, Goodbye Jane  
Will we ever meet again  
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame  
Come tomorrow, feel no pain  
  
Now some they do and some they don't  
And some you just can't tell  
And some they will and some they won't  
With some it's just as well  
  
You can laugh at my behavior  
That'll never bother me  
Say the devil is my savior  
But I don't pay no heed  
  
And I will go on shining  
Shining like brand new  
I'll never look behind me  
My troubles will be few  
Goodbye stranger it's been nice

___  
_

**A/N : I may make an alternate ending.  
**

**Lyrics from Supertramp - Goodbye Stranger :** https://vimeo.com/203236174


End file.
